Hello, my name is Carissa Dege, I am 27 years old and I am happy to say that I am single. Why is this such a hard thing to say in our society these days? Why do I have to feel inadequate when people ask if I am seeing someone and I answer, "No I am still single." and then feel their pity, like I am some lost animal. It shouldn't have to be this way.
Society has taught us from a young
age that we are pretty much expected to get married and have children
pretty much when you are in your mid-20s. God Forbid, your late 20s or
even later than that.
It's funny how both sides of my family have differing opinions on when a person should settle down and start a family.
My mom's family thinks that I am some freak anomaly because I don't have a family right now. At my cousin's Andrew wedding almost five years ago, I was recently graduated from St. Ben's with a bachelor's degree in biochemistry (not an easy task at all, I was one of four biochem majors), had a good job working at the Mayo Clinic as a research tech and was on the track to attending either medical school or graduate school; BUT all my family could focus on was that I was single and had no relationship prospects. They pretty much painted me off as a spinster at the ripe old age of 22. At that wedding (my cousin was 21 and his wife was 20, they are still happily married btw), I heard my mom's brother say on two different occasions to different groups of people. 1) "Oh, Carissa isn't seeing anyone right now because she wants to put her career first (what the f^%k is wrong with wanting to focus on my future, it's what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life?!?!!?) 2) "Oh, I can see Carissa being 40 years old and having lots of cats" (wtf???, and for the record I am a dog person, Poodles for life). At every family event thereafter, the first thing that my uncles would ask me is if I was seeing anyone. Not how are you doing? How's research going? How's grad school? It came to the point where I told them that if they asked that, I would punch them as hard as I could in the arm... I was good on that promise and socked one of my uncles pretty hard in the arm when he asked me...they haven't asked me since, but I don't see them as often.
My dad's side of the family is awesome. Both my aunts are super independent and didn't get married until they were older. They know not to pry and that I will talk to them about relationships when I want to. I had a really good conversation with my aunts over Thanksgiving when I was wrestling with some problems I was having with my then current relationship. They are both amazing women who have helped me out with a lot of stuff over the years. Through both my mom, my aunts and my godmother, they have taught me to be a strong, independent woman. This is both a blessing and a curse. I know that I can survive on my own, but it is also hard for me to let my guard down in relationships and open up to the other person. But once I do open up, I am the most caring, devoted girlfriend a dude could hope for.
I kind of felt pressure by random people in my life that I should be in a relationship since I am 27 years old now, but still single. So in the last year, I re-tried online dating (after some disasters two years ago) because I wanted to meet different people who were not in science and I have a strong feeling about not dating anyone that you go to school with or work with, just because it could be really awkward if there is a break-up. I met a nice guy, we dated for a couple of months, but in the end it didn't work out for various reasons, but we still remain friends (for realsies). About a month after that ended, I decided to retry it out again. I found that I was not really interested in the people I was being "matched" with. I went out on a couple of dates with a guy... He was really nice, good on paper, etc; but, I just did not feel that instant connection with him and I decided not to waste his or my time trying to see if I could ever have a connection (I am a big believer in feeling that instant spark with someone). After those couple dates, I really started to realize that I am content with being single for the time being (sorry dad, mom doesn't care :P). I have not found the right person for me, and right now I don't really want to. I believe that when the right person comes around, it will be the right time; but I am not going to go out and actively pursue it right now.
It's not that I am against the institute of marriage. In fact, I am all for it. I have a lot of friends who have found the right person for them and are extremely happy in their marriages and I look to these friends with complete admiration. I think more and more people are not getting married for various reasons, which is kind of sad. Sometime in the future, I do see myself having a small white wedding, buying the house with a white picket fence, and having kids, but that is a few years away.
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